SG Fun: A Stargate Podcast

Season 2 Episode 15: The Fifth Race

 Is Jack Special Forces or Gomer Pyle?

He derp-a-derps his way over to a horror flower, stays after it moves toward his face, and gets face-sucked by it. And like everyone in the Gate Gang is fuh-reeking out.

Dr. Frazier continues to give compromised people the medical all-clear, but even so, Jack is soon speaking an unfamiliar language and playing Mr. Wizard…or actually MacGyver! Yeah, so Jack has all the knowledge of The Ancients and uses it to MacGyver an E.T. machine to phone the grays and get it all removed before it kills him.

By the fucking way, the grays totally admit to experimenting on humans and have the fucking nerve to say we’re not quite ready to be the fifth fucking race in their stupid fucking anti-Goa’uld clique. Whatever.

Season 2 Episode 14:  Touchstone

This one has it all: secret government agencies doing evil shit, Krippendorf’s (problematic) Tribe, and instantaneous catastrophic climate change!

As a bonus, they somehow slip in even more anti-indigenous racism despite this episode’s affected tribe being lots of white people. Also, Teal’c goes to his podcatcher of choice and gives us five stars and a glowing review.

Season 2 Episode 13:  Spirits

Oh my stars and Holy Hannah why didn’t we just skip this one?

In summary, Hard Racism. And O’Neill does pointedly smell his hands a couple of times; weird. Please support Federal Recognition for the Duwamish Tribe; and, especially if you live on Duwamish land, consider paying them rent at www.realrentduwamish.org

Season 2 Episode 12: The Tokra Part 2

Oh! Did I mention last time that the Gang is being held by the Tok’ra until they can safely make it off-world to their next hiding place?

Sam’s dad might die without saying goodbye, the smartest Tok’ra’s host is also dying, and the Tok’ra evacuation is interrupted by Goa’uld attack! In conclusion you probably guessed that Jacob becomes the new host, the Tok’ra are cool with diplomatic relations, the mole is found, and everyone makes it home. Maybe this could have been a one-part episode, you dig? I’m sure someone could properly edit that together. If that exists, give us a call and a heads up at (425) 610-6554.

Season 2 Episode 11:  The Tok'ra part 1

Oy vey, Sam still won’t shut up about how cool she is now that she’s got Tok’ra memories and shit and a little bit of superpowers.

The Gate Gang goes to a planet based on her memories and finds the Tok’ra, a group of (WE ARE NOT) Goa’uld who claim to be Team Resist with all voluntary hosts. Sam is about to get it on with her Tok’ra’s mate when Daniel, clearly sickened by all the consent in the air, interrupts with disdain.

The U.S. tries to initiate an alliance with the Tok’ra on behalf of the whole world but the Tok’ra quickly point out that humans ain’t shit. Oh! And there’s a Goa’uld mole in the mix. Oh! And Sam’s dad is secretly dying of cancer. BTW: Turns out later Sam has a brother but I guess they hadn’t written him yet because no one calls him to say good-bye to dad.

Season 2 Episode 10:  Bane

Teal’c loses his shit a little bit–like a little probably came out–when a giant bug lands on his back and delivers a dose of zika virus on a gajillion steroids and his DNA starts changing…think Brundle-Teal’c.

Meanwhile Jack threatens a fellow Air Force Colonel with assault and murder several times, no big probably, because that guy is a certified douche knuckle. Sam is like, OBSESSED with making sure everyone knows she has been a To’kra, even though it isn’t really helpful. Daniel is probably also there, but busy emailing us at verticalwateringhole@gmail.com

Season 2 E9: Secrets

Sam and O’Neill are off to DC with Daddy Hammond because they won a prize from the president! Probably a plaque or small piece of etched glass or even one of those ribbon pins they wear.

We find out Sam has a dad. He’s trash. Teal’c is bored so he goes to Abydos with Daniel and proceeds to bear witness to a real low point for human men. Daniel is a self-centered shit show. Mostly tho, this episode is about men having meetings to make decisions on behalf of specific adult women without consulting those women AT ALL.

Season 2 Episode 8:  Family

The Gate Gang rush off to save the son of Teal’c, only to find that his wife has been replaced by a whole nother lady! No worries!

Teal’c is still DTF and almost gets the whole gang killed for it. But all’s well that ends well if you consider getting that bratty little kid back from Apophis to be “well.”

Also, it’s convenient that the false wife of Teal’c is freed up by the death of her second (treacherous) hubs. Is Teal’c a “cuck” now? Call and let us know at (425) 610-6554 or answer in the text of your glowing review on your podcatcher of choice.

Season 2 Episode 7: Message in a Bottle

Anyone else have a Sting song stuck in their head now? This episode is really cool! It bests this plot as attempted by other shows, it looks cool, MacGyver cries like a real human man person, Teal’c proves to be hella more solid a friend than Chewbacca.

Hey, should we start posting our descriptions on IMDB? Let us know at VerticalWateringHole@gmail.com or in the text of your glowing five-star review.

Season 2 Episode 6:  Thor's Chariot

Yep, the Gate Gang destroyed Thor’s Hammer, a planetary protection device, to save their own asses, and then peace'd the fuck out without any thought given to consequences.

This episode could be called Consequences Suffered by Less Privileged People that are a Direct Result of Actions of Privileged People to Benefit Themselves Only. I just feel like the Federation would have thought to make sure the Cimmerians would be safe. But I guess this show is about 20th Century People, notable for being total trash.

Also Gairwyn stands over the fresh corpse of her husband with a real “meh” attitude about his death. Oh, and the Viking gods are actually the Ass Guard or Grays.