SG Fun: A Stargate Podcast

Season 2 Episode 19:  One False Step

Jesus Jumping Christ, I don’t know about you, but this season has WAY too many of this episode. Don’t upset the “primitives,” whom you don’t understand, Gate Gang.

Amazingly, Dr. Frazier *doesn’t* find “some kind of virus,” but she suspects one, of course, even though she can find “nothing physically wrong.”

Sam saves the day without making a whole thing of it. Again. At least that’s how I remember it. If I got that wrong, ping me at verticalwateringhole@gmail.com and maybe we’ll play your clarification on an episode!

Season 2 Episode 18: Serpent's Song

Yeah, that shit really *is* pretty dark. I mean, the Gate Gang condemns two lives in one to perhaps an eternity of horrible torture and repeated death, but kind of in an oopsie doodles sort of way. But let’s not dwell in the shadows:

This episode is amazing to watch! Like a little movie. Apophis is a huge dickhead, but then so is “good guy” Lantesh. Humans (read here: Americans) eat a lot of shit sandwiches, but could probably use the humility points. Oh yeah! Daniel tries his best to be menacing, but just sounds like he has a little cold.

Season 2 Episode 17:  Holiday

So in this one Daniel finds out what it’s like to be entered without consent.

They go to this world with one guy on it, a very old man who's been sleeping in a Michael Jackson machine waiting for some idiots to show up. He tricks Daniel into changing bodies with him, but no one believes Daniel until they do and they chase this guy down, but not until he acts like a first-day-out robot instead of the seasoned warrior he really is. It’s pretty silly.

Anyway, he figures the universe owes him a second chance at life and fuck Daniel. Local cops pick him up without shooting or arresting his Black companion and he very unconvincingly changes his mind and gives Daniel his body back just before dying. Oh, and Teal’c is Jack and Jack is Teal’c and then Jack is Daniel and Teal’c is the old man and Daniel is Jack and I think that’s it. It’s a real Freaky Friday.

Season 2 Episode 16:  A Matter of Time

SG-10 is toast, getting eaten by a big black hole on their first mission as a team!

Jack makes this all about him because he cannot stand to let the team go. It turns out he recommended their commander for the post, but also that the commander reminds him of Sam. Ohhhhh, what! No way, Sam likes Dianne? I mean, Jack likes Sam? That’s Air Force Illegal!

Anyhoozle, the time warp extends through the gate and they can’t shut it off or close the iris, even when they unplug it. They figure it out though. 

Season 2 Episode 15: The Fifth Race

 Is Jack Special Forces or Gomer Pyle?

He derp-a-derps his way over to a horror flower, stays after it moves toward his face, and gets face-sucked by it. And like everyone in the Gate Gang is fuh-reeking out.

Dr. Frazier continues to give compromised people the medical all-clear, but even so, Jack is soon speaking an unfamiliar language and playing Mr. Wizard…or actually MacGyver! Yeah, so Jack has all the knowledge of The Ancients and uses it to MacGyver an E.T. machine to phone the grays and get it all removed before it kills him.

By the fucking way, the grays totally admit to experimenting on humans and have the fucking nerve to say we’re not quite ready to be the fifth fucking race in their stupid fucking anti-Goa’uld clique. Whatever.

Season 2 Episode 14:  Touchstone

This one has it all: secret government agencies doing evil shit, Krippendorf’s (problematic) Tribe, and instantaneous catastrophic climate change!

As a bonus, they somehow slip in even more anti-indigenous racism despite this episode’s affected tribe being lots of white people. Also, Teal’c goes to his podcatcher of choice and gives us five stars and a glowing review.

Season 2 Episode 13:  Spirits

Oh my stars and Holy Hannah why didn’t we just skip this one?

In summary, Hard Racism. And O’Neill does pointedly smell his hands a couple of times; weird. Please support Federal Recognition for the Duwamish Tribe; and, especially if you live on Duwamish land, consider paying them rent at www.realrentduwamish.org

Season 2 Episode 12: The Tokra Part 2

Oh! Did I mention last time that the Gang is being held by the Tok’ra until they can safely make it off-world to their next hiding place?

Sam’s dad might die without saying goodbye, the smartest Tok’ra’s host is also dying, and the Tok’ra evacuation is interrupted by Goa’uld attack! In conclusion you probably guessed that Jacob becomes the new host, the Tok’ra are cool with diplomatic relations, the mole is found, and everyone makes it home. Maybe this could have been a one-part episode, you dig? I’m sure someone could properly edit that together. If that exists, give us a call and a heads up at (425) 610-6554.

Season 2 Episode 11:  The Tok'ra part 1

Oy vey, Sam still won’t shut up about how cool she is now that she’s got Tok’ra memories and shit and a little bit of superpowers.

The Gate Gang goes to a planet based on her memories and finds the Tok’ra, a group of (WE ARE NOT) Goa’uld who claim to be Team Resist with all voluntary hosts. Sam is about to get it on with her Tok’ra’s mate when Daniel, clearly sickened by all the consent in the air, interrupts with disdain.

The U.S. tries to initiate an alliance with the Tok’ra on behalf of the whole world but the Tok’ra quickly point out that humans ain’t shit. Oh! And there’s a Goa’uld mole in the mix. Oh! And Sam’s dad is secretly dying of cancer. BTW: Turns out later Sam has a brother but I guess they hadn’t written him yet because no one calls him to say good-bye to dad.

Season 2 Episode 10:  Bane

Teal’c loses his shit a little bit–like a little probably came out–when a giant bug lands on his back and delivers a dose of zika virus on a gajillion steroids and his DNA starts changing…think Brundle-Teal’c.

Meanwhile Jack threatens a fellow Air Force Colonel with assault and murder several times, no big probably, because that guy is a certified douche knuckle. Sam is like, OBSESSED with making sure everyone knows she has been a To’kra, even though it isn’t really helpful. Daniel is probably also there, but busy emailing us at verticalwateringhole@gmail.com