SG Fun: A Stargate Podcast

Season 2 E9: Secrets

Sam and O’Neill are off to DC with Daddy Hammond because they won a prize from the president! Probably a plaque or small piece of etched glass or even one of those ribbon pins they wear.

We find out Sam has a dad. He’s trash. Teal’c is bored so he goes to Abydos with Daniel and proceeds to bear witness to a real low point for human men. Daniel is a self-centered shit show. Mostly tho, this episode is about men having meetings to make decisions on behalf of specific adult women without consulting those women AT ALL.

Season 2 Episode 8:  Family

The Gate Gang rush off to save the son of Teal’c, only to find that his wife has been replaced by a whole nother lady! No worries!

Teal’c is still DTF and almost gets the whole gang killed for it. But all’s well that ends well if you consider getting that bratty little kid back from Apophis to be “well.”

Also, it’s convenient that the false wife of Teal’c is freed up by the death of her second (treacherous) hubs. Is Teal’c a “cuck” now? Call and let us know at (425) 610-6554 or answer in the text of your glowing review on your podcatcher of choice.

Season 2 Episode 7: Message in a Bottle

Anyone else have a Sting song stuck in their head now? This episode is really cool! It bests this plot as attempted by other shows, it looks cool, MacGyver cries like a real human man person, Teal’c proves to be hella more solid a friend than Chewbacca.

Hey, should we start posting our descriptions on IMDB? Let us know at VerticalWateringHole@gmail.com or in the text of your glowing five-star review.

Season 2 Episode 6:  Thor's Chariot

Yep, the Gate Gang destroyed Thor’s Hammer, a planetary protection device, to save their own asses, and then peace'd the fuck out without any thought given to consequences.

This episode could be called Consequences Suffered by Less Privileged People that are a Direct Result of Actions of Privileged People to Benefit Themselves Only. I just feel like the Federation would have thought to make sure the Cimmerians would be safe. But I guess this show is about 20th Century People, notable for being total trash.

Also Gairwyn stands over the fresh corpse of her husband with a real “meh” attitude about his death. Oh, and the Viking gods are actually the Ass Guard or Grays.

Season 2 Episode 5:  Need

The gate gang is captured because of something Daniel does, then forced to mine un-obtainium or dilithium or whatever it’s called on this show, without food or rest while D acts like a real D by trading his teams’ lives for coke, a side piece, and fancy digs. He betrays fucking everyone, even his wife, who isn’t even there. A real Judas sitch.

Episode ends with insufficient closure for the team and viewer alike and a detoxed Daniel looking like total shit. Don’t do drugs, I guess. Or at least stay away from the Sarcophagus, no one’s sure what’s in that.

Season 2 Episode 4: The Gamekeeper

If you love a good time loop, or any time loop really, then this episode's for you!

Jack gets gaslighted as Teal'c observes, Problematic Daniel has his childhood trauma exploited for entertainment as Sam wears a weird blazer, and at some point archeologists used gas station carabiners to hoist large, stone-made shit. Someone--we’ll call him Fuckface McGee--has his own people and SG-1 hooked to VR machines for his own entertainment and power. He is a real dick. They talk their way out of it, the end.

Season 2 Episode 3:  Prisoners

What heroes! Imprisoned after a huge bullshit of a trial (for life!), the gang teams up with an inter-global sociopathic, uber evil doer to escape. They vet her less than McCain vetted Palin before giving her access to their entire base and computer system, leading to both her escape and her renewed reign of terror. Cool. Cool cool cool cool cool.

TBF, that prison did super suck.

Season 2 Episode 2: In the Line of Duty

Sam makes out with a dying villager and he “bites her tongue” which I guess is some old fart slang for “inserts full crawdaddy into her face orifice” which I guess could be seggsual enough to just be my boring retitle.

It’s good crawdaddy tho, because Sam is literally possessed by it. That’s at least one more than obsessed. Long story short, the crawdaddy dissolves into her body and is basically gone and Sam is bereft beyond consolation, the end.

Season 2 Episode 1: The Serpent's Lair

Oopsie Doodles, Sarah Compressed this Episode Into the Last Episode’s Description

I mean, it’s fine. Just read the last one. Or remember it? It was just last week. Do people read these? Sarah never reads these on pods she listens to. Should she? Is she missing out big? Email her at VerticalWateringHole@gmail.com to advise.

Oh, and we made it Season Two!  Hurray!!!

SARAH WATCHES STARGATE THE MOVIE FOR THE FIRST TIME!  

Join your intrepid hosts Tory and Sarah as they Mystery Science Theater 3000 about half of this movie before getting wasted on Gin, Jiffy Pop, and 5th Avenue bars and forget what they’re doing!

Play and pause instructions given, so watch along with us the best Kurt Russell and worst James Spader movie ever!

We'll be back with Season Two next week!