SG Fun: A Stargate Podcast

Season 2 Episode 5:  Need

The gate gang is captured because of something Daniel does, then forced to mine un-obtainium or dilithium or whatever it’s called on this show, without food or rest while D acts like a real D by trading his teams’ lives for coke, a side piece, and fancy digs. He betrays fucking everyone, even his wife, who isn’t even there. A real Judas sitch.

Episode ends with insufficient closure for the team and viewer alike and a detoxed Daniel looking like total shit. Don’t do drugs, I guess. Or at least stay away from the Sarcophagus, no one’s sure what’s in that.

Season 2 Episode 4: The Gamekeeper

If you love a good time loop, or any time loop really, then this episode's for you!

Jack gets gaslighted as Teal'c observes, Problematic Daniel has his childhood trauma exploited for entertainment as Sam wears a weird blazer, and at some point archeologists used gas station carabiners to hoist large, stone-made shit. Someone--we’ll call him Fuckface McGee--has his own people and SG-1 hooked to VR machines for his own entertainment and power. He is a real dick. They talk their way out of it, the end.

Season 2 Episode 3:  Prisoners

What heroes! Imprisoned after a huge bullshit of a trial (for life!), the gang teams up with an inter-global sociopathic, uber evil doer to escape. They vet her less than McCain vetted Palin before giving her access to their entire base and computer system, leading to both her escape and her renewed reign of terror. Cool. Cool cool cool cool cool.

TBF, that prison did super suck.

Season 2 Episode 2: In the Line of Duty

Sam makes out with a dying villager and he “bites her tongue” which I guess is some old fart slang for “inserts full crawdaddy into her face orifice” which I guess could be seggsual enough to just be my boring retitle.

It’s good crawdaddy tho, because Sam is literally possessed by it. That’s at least one more than obsessed. Long story short, the crawdaddy dissolves into her body and is basically gone and Sam is bereft beyond consolation, the end.

Season 2 Episode 1: The Serpent's Lair

Oopsie Doodles, Sarah Compressed this Episode Into the Last Episode’s Description

I mean, it’s fine. Just read the last one. Or remember it? It was just last week. Do people read these? Sarah never reads these on pods she listens to. Should she? Is she missing out big? Email her at VerticalWateringHole@gmail.com to advise.

Oh, and we made it Season Two!  Hurray!!!

SARAH WATCHES STARGATE THE MOVIE FOR THE FIRST TIME!  

Join your intrepid hosts Tory and Sarah as they Mystery Science Theater 3000 about half of this movie before getting wasted on Gin, Jiffy Pop, and 5th Avenue bars and forget what they’re doing!

Play and pause instructions given, so watch along with us the best Kurt Russell and worst James Spader movie ever!

We'll be back with Season Two next week! 

Season 1 Episode 21:  Within the Serpent's Grasp

Oh no but also thank gawd, Apophis chose someone the Gate Gang knows to host his son; because otherwise this show would be 100% over.

Oh no but also thank gawd, Sam set the timer for a way too long 24 hours (woot!) giving the Gang just enough time to achieve the very best outcome.

Oh no but also thank gawd, Problematic Daniel must be left behind on one ship but I think ends up doing a thing essential to the overall mission success from said ship?

Thank goodness serpents don’t have hands for grasping, and the team (and Earth) make it out this time and justify a more inflated budget for the SGC (and probably, hopefully, the actual show).

Season 1 Episode 19: Politics

This’ll be good, even if, as The Real Title Suggests, It’s Bad:

OK, so for no apparent reason other than tension and a ballooning future budget and program, someone wants to shutter the SGC. Senator Kinsey gets all up in the SGC biz like he’s the only senator in the world, like he’s Joe Manchin, like he’s Kyrsten Sinema. That kind of vibe. It really plays against Daniel’s batshit-sounding assertions that he’s dimension traveled and the world will end without our fearless Gate Gang.

Season 1 Episode 19: There but For the Grace of God

Trapped in an alternate dimension, Dr. Daniel Jackson learns that everyone there has more hair. Everyone except for Baby Brother Hammond.

Season 1 Episode 18:  Tin Man

Cumtryah Mother Fuckers!

The Gate Gang is being all weird. Turns out they’re robut copies of themselves. Creepy.

This show is major on body horror, because the robuts think they’re people, LOL! Anyhoo, that’s not even the amazing or unbelievable part. The real suspension of disbelief comes in when we’re all asked to accept that these robut doubles are left functional next to a functional gate. Robuts programmed to be just like SG-1 promise not to use the gate. What could go wrong?