Episodes
Tuesday Dec 05, 2023
S5 E11: The Five-Nine Feisty Lady!
Tuesday Dec 05, 2023
Tuesday Dec 05, 2023
Season 5 Episode 11: Desperate Measures
Jack’s real bestie is back in town baybee! Hutch. Or Starsky. Carter cannot literally not even catch a break! She is kidnapped leaving the gym, a fantastic reason to never work out. Or leave the house.
Anyhoozle, that Jolinar schtick really bites her in that ass this week. Ultimately the Gate Gang comes out on top in this one. Wild, I know.
Also, HAPPY 100 EPISODES TO US! Help us celebrate by joining our Patreon! ComeTrya!!!!
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Tuesday Nov 21, 2023
S5 E10: Boring Boren’s Iron-Boring Barn!
Tuesday Nov 21, 2023
Tuesday Nov 21, 2023
Season 5 Episode 10: 2001
Hey y'all, remember in the Episode "2010" when the note that got through the gate was O'Neil's. Not Daniel's, not Sam's, but Macguver's quite minimalistic, "DON'T GO HERE!" followed by the planet number.
Well, turns out it would have been nice if he had added the word "Ashen People", "Sterility," "Fuck these Assholes," ANYTHING, because we almost GET what happened in 2010 come to pass because, turns out, OTHER people know them, introduce them to us, and we think they're GREAT!!
Just. . you know. . .be a bit more thorough, O'Neil.
Also, every boyfriend Carter has (or can potentially have) dies. What up with that?
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Wednesday Nov 08, 2023
S5 E9: Help us SG-1 Kenobi
Wednesday Nov 08, 2023
Wednesday Nov 08, 2023
Season 5 Episode 9:
Can you even?! These sanctimonious Tolan dicks (who let’s not forget know how to separate gooooolds from hosts but keep it to themselves and help like, um no one) continue to demonstrate that they are selfish little twats.
They try to sell out Earth to that huge prick Tanith. Narim is the best Tolan and probably Sam’s best boyfriend in the series, so it is a huge bummer that he chooses to stay behind on a doomed Tolana at the end. Honestly, I think more people should come back to Earth. It’s weird that each member of SG-1 has to be an island.
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Tuesday Oct 31, 2023
S5 E8: McNeil Versus McComrade
Tuesday Oct 31, 2023
Tuesday Oct 31, 2023
Season 5 Episode 8: The Tomb
In this Fraggle Rock/SG-1 crossover from Hell, the Gate Gang and their Russian pals get chased (and in some cases horrifically killed) by the grossest Fraggle.
Luckily one Russian survives to prove that SG-1 didn’t do a whole bunch of murders on the Russians. So yeah, post-Cold War relations are probably leading to a pretty great future of abundance and cooperation. Mostly though, THAT IS NOT A PYRAMID.
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Tuesday Oct 24, 2023
S5 E7: Some of My Best Friends are Domesticated!
Tuesday Oct 24, 2023
Tuesday Oct 24, 2023
Season 5 Episode 7: Beast of Burden
Sooooo, remember in like episode four of this whole entire series when Daniel Jackson was like maybe rape is just part of their way of life and we definitely shouldn’t intervene in this one happening right in front of us? Yeah, he’s equally squishy on at least race-based slavery.
These white saviors plus Teal’c get some Unas killed during their rescue only to get to the gate and find out the Unas actually wasted their lives rescuing SG-1 because they obviously need to stick around to liberate their people. Jack thinks that might be a bad reason to distribute like two whole weapons to them. Cool, cool, cool. Very Colonial O’Neill, 2 L's.
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Tuesday Oct 10, 2023
S5 E6: Electric COVID
Tuesday Oct 10, 2023
Tuesday Oct 10, 2023
Season 5 Episode 6: Rite of Passage
Remember that little alien kid who is also human and was also a big bomb that only love could disarm? Somehow she is 16! What! What’s the passage-of-time sitch on this show? Very soap operatic at the moment.
So Cassy kissed a boy, Dominic, and I guess hated it? She’s sick as fuck now. I guess her horny teen hormones have activated some goooldy science experiment Janet failed to detect. Side note to the once horny teen girlies out there: How much did you not need an actual kiss to get revving? Anyways, she got superpowers and then she lost them so that really sucks for her.
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Tuesday Oct 03, 2023
S5 E5: Are the Amish Cowboys Quakers or Vikings?
Tuesday Oct 03, 2023
Tuesday Oct 03, 2023
Season 5 Episode 5: Red Sky
WOOF, did the Gate Gang ever fuck up. They’ve punched a whole in someone’s sun and now the whole planet of like 30 people is dying but refusing to relocate. I mean, more people would fit in a city bus, but OK sure, stay and die.
Those annoying Disneyland-esque Hall of Viking God’s holograms are in this one, hooray for sure. Oh! MacNeill literally almost chokes a man to death. The Asgard do bail them out, but they are absolutely insufferable about it.
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S5 E4: Whose Friend is Imaginary Now MacNeill!!
Tuesday Sep 19, 2023
Tuesday Sep 19, 2023
Season 5 Episode 4: The Fifth Man
Remember last week when MacNeill acted like Sam was loonsaroony for having an invisible stalker? Ha! Now he’s risking his whole life for his good buddy who isn’t really real but should be because ay ai ai, have you seen this man?
I mean, it does turn out he is not even half as fine as his profile pic, but I guess that’s pretty typical. He’s a benign liar whom they would have helped out anyway and they save him in the end.
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Tuesday Sep 12, 2023
S5 E3: Fun-Sized Gate
Tuesday Sep 12, 2023
Tuesday Sep 12, 2023
Season 5 Episode 3: Ascension
Can we talk about this situation with Sam’s boyfriends? Like, super advanced, super down to die for her, super fucking creepy. This one is the most.
Meanwhile her true lover boy MacNeill is treating her like she’s cray because he somehow cannot believe, after all they’ve seen, that she has an alien stalker. Stalkerman does go all human for her, but like who even asked him to? Also he builds a cute little stargate in her basement with shit he ordered from Amazon. On Sam’s credit card. Without asking.
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Tuesday Sep 05, 2023
S5 E2: Has Anyone Ever Told You You Should Smile Less
Tuesday Sep 05, 2023
Tuesday Sep 05, 2023
Season 5 Episode 2: Threshold
Yikes. Mean Teal’c is one grinny mother fucker. He pretends to be back to his old cool self just to try to take out MacNeill, LOL!
Hold on to your britches, because this is a fucking Bra’tac episode, hooooray. It’s one of those "gotta kinda kill him to save him" situations, but calm the eff down; Teal’c does live to try to bestie up with MacNeill another day.
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